Why You Probably Shouldn’t Fight for Sole Custody

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Ms. Mitchell was featured in an article over at CustodyxChange.com about why you probably shouldn’t fight for sole custody.


Ms. Mitchell is quoted under the heading “Save Your Money”:

While most family courts in America are willing to work out a co-parenting arrangement in a timely fashion, when a parent pushes for sole custody, it’s an entirely different matter and timeline.

Father’s Rights attorney Anne Mitchell of DadsRights.org says aside from the harm a long court battle can do to a child, “fighting for sole custody, which is not the default in any state at this point in time in our society, is very expensive. And, because it is not the default, it rarely works except under extreme, clear circumstances.”

She goes on to suggest that the money you would sink into this fight would be much better spent on your child’s college fund.

Other points made in the article, by other experts, include:

– Looking at your own true motivations for what you’re asking for, and if there is another way to accomplish it.

– Seeking sole custody is often seen as an effort to control the other parent, and as an unwillingness to co-parent cooperatively with the other parent.

– Not only is it often not best for the children in the short-term, but over time not only will it damage their relationship with the other parent (which hurts your children) but eventually they may come to blame you for keeping them and their other parent apart.

You can read the full article here.

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4 thoughts on “Why You Probably Shouldn’t Fight for Sole Custody

  1. Yeah, tell that to my kids.
    Their mom fought for sole custody, lied in court and was not required to prove anything.
    She did spend tens of thousands of $$, but I don’t think she cared.
    All I care about is the damage she did my kids.
    California courts care about the mom, not the dad, certainly not the kids.

  2. Basic but often ignored or overlooked “rule of thumb” for all fathers wading into these stressful waters: Keep all of your communications, requests, demands and responses to your ex and to the courts, about the health and general welfare of your child(ren). If sole custody is something you want out of spite, or for financial reason, you are wasting your time. Everything you do in this realm should have only one focus – “What is best for my kid(s)?” Let your ex take the low road and act spitefully. If you maintain your composure and always keep it about the kids, you can and will succeed.
    My humble opinion based on numerous experiences, failures and ultimately success with the family court system here in San Diego county –

  3. So what does it say about a parent who has and still is committing the worst form of Child Abuse called Parental Alienation? I am a proud father of three children who have a mother who is clearly a narcissist and has put our children and myself in a situation we did not ask to be put in. The mother has made it clear she will do anything to destroy me and my relationship I had with my children. I had visitation without anything in place, without court but when the children were with me they had for a year spilled the milk when we were still in contact, be it via mobile, text messages or when they had the visitation. I want to be in the lives of my children but the mother and her legal counsel have and are still doing everything to stretch out the case. Per the Judge the children should have had back their visitation we me last October, now it is almost again October, its 08/17/2017 today, the children had warned me that their mother is spreading lies behind my back and wants the children to believe those lies. Their mother has brainwashed them in this period in such a way the children sound like echoes of what their mother has programmed them to say and do. They shouted things to me that no child should have knowledge of, as they say ” keep your children out of your shit”, pardon the french, something their mother and her new boyfriend she started living with have not done. I am being replaced out of the lives of my children by her new boyfriend. The last time I saw my children in a public place it lasted no more as 30 minutes as they were now total hateful strangers with the exception of the middle one of my children who ex has put on heavy anti depressants which make her sick. the children and I had at a certain point so called reunification counseling, court demanded, all because of the child abuse called PA or Parental Alienation committed by my ex to my children. This is what is considered to be in the best interest of our children? Alone for this I would love to ask for FULL custody to protect my children from a mentally sick person. There is plenty more that has happened in the last 13 years, but especially these last three plus years. The children and I lost our house/home, our family because of mom, did I mention she is a control freak, her words, has the Munchausen syndrome and plenty more. I have a Lawyer / Legal Counsel that sucks and at times I think he too us in ca-hoots with the other corrupt side. Family Law is a Joke a SAD SAD Joke and it is costing our children and those parents wanting to protect their children and have a life with them emotional hard ship that is out of this world. They are missing out on their dad and I am missing out on all my childrens life events and memories we could have had, should have had which are now Stolen by a stranger that has been pushed in the life of my children against the will of my children. It is the corrupt Family Law industry that is at fault here and us parents should never ever had to go to court to have to fight a lost battle to be in the lives of our children. But Money talks and anyone who has been in this situation for such a long time as I, and I know there are plenty that have and way longer, know how corrupt thing s are. So this article pointing out that someone who asks for or wants to fight for full custody is not always a bad person. If I had all the money in the world I would ask for full custody to save my children from the toxic parent they have been forced to live with because of the BIAS Corrupt Family Laws. Men do not get help anywhere, we are the wrong Gender. And like with MATERIAL things, Possession is 90% ownership, yes our children are treated as things, chess pieces to be used in any which way to hurt the other party by people such as my ex. Save your money do not ask for full custody, you have no idea how much this angers me knowing the emotional and mental harm and even physical harm my children have been enduring and still are.
    I am located in SC but all this started in NC and I spit on all the corrupt legal counsel and so called therapist who have no clue what PA is and how much harm is done to our children. I better stop as I know none if this helps anyways. Government should clean up this corrupt swamp called FAMILY LAW as it exists only to get FREE FEDERAL MONEY and that of the parent, be it some moms and dads that have none. There should be a TV Show about this other as the occasional Dr. Phil show. There should be Experts in the field of PA present as non corrupt CPA DDS DHHR but no such exists. DANG why do you not point this out and HELP people not refering to BOOKS of Lawyers so they can make even more money out of suckers, uhm hurting Parents and our children just to keep the games being played in Corrupt Family court going. The ordasity you legal counsel have YUCK!

  4. It’s true. All of it. I did well up to 50/50 (representing myself). When I went back to court looking for more than 50/50, I had a very solid case. This time I was more organized. Had more witnesses lined up and really proved my case. The judge just wasn’t having it. I’m thankful for what I have.

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